I loved getting high, I just hated that I couldn’t stop.
Excerpt from my journal 5-2-18
I loved getting high, I just hated that I couldn’t stop.
Excerpt from my journal 5-2-18
NYC PRIDE
I feel so empty not using drugs. but I was empty when I was getting high too. Drugs didn’t fill my void they just made me to numb to acknowledge it.
It was killing me, but it was good.
Journal entry may 2018.
The insanity of drug addiction has you so conflicted. You know that getting high will kill you, you hate living in the despair that active addiction brings. you want to escape from this hell, you want to be doped up out of your mind. Some days you want to fight for your life, others you hope this shot will kill you. you want all of this to end yet you want to continue feeling that high… Sometimes you’re clean and you want desperately to stay that way while simultaneously wanting to use drugs.
My first year sober I never thought this was possible one year clean. Shout-out to my followers for staying with me throughout this journey of active drug addiction and recovery.
I was talking with my counselor at my program and I should be finishing treatment between September and November. She was discussing the options with me like sober living or a transitional house but I think I want to have my own apartment with like a roommate maybe? i don’t know but I need to get this process going. I know for sure that i am going to go to intensive outpatient and work my way down to a few days a week. I’m also going to keep going to meetings. Im trying to figure out what is best for my recovery and what i need not what i want.
Are any of my Tumblr babies going to NYC pride and wanna meet up ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
Things we need to tell each other (and ourselves) more often
🌹 “You’re doing such a great job.”
🌹 “You are stronger than you think.”
🌹 “I can see you are doing the best you can.”
🌹 “You are allowed to take a break.”
🌹 “Someday you will see the beauty that I see in you.”
🌹 “It’s okay.”
🌹 “You are capable of anything.”
🌹 “I’m sorry.”
🌹 “Your kindness is a treasure and it’s much appreciated.”
🌹 “You are full of light.”
🌹 “I am here for you whenever you need someone.”
🌹 “I am proud of you.”
🌹 “You are such a wise person.”
🌹 “I believe in you.”
🌹 “Take time to bloom.”
🌹 “You deserve respect. Please walk away from people who treat you wrongly.”
🌹 “I care about you.”
🌹 “You have grown so much as a person.”
🌹 “You deserve the best.”
🌹 “You are valid.”
🌹 “You can make a difference.”
🌹 “It’s okay to take time for yourself. Please tell me when you want to be alone.”
🌹 “It’s not weird, please tell me more about it.”
🌹 “You are never alone.”
🌹 “You are worthy.”
🌹 “You are enough.”
🌹 “You matter.”
🌹 “Thank you.”
🌹 “I’d like to know more about you.”
🌹 “You make me feel happy.”
🌹 “I appreciate you.”
🌹 “You have a beautiful soul.”
🌹 “I know things can be hard but I am sure you will make it through. You’ve already come so far.”
🌹 “I’m here for you.”
🌹 “You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”
🌹 “It’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to do things on your own all the time.”
🌹 “I trust you.”
🌹 “You should give yourself more credit.”
🌹 “You aren’t defined by conceptual things like grades.”
🌹 “You deserve all the love in the world.”
🌹 “You inspire me.”
🌹 “May your day be as lovely as you.”
🌹 “It may take some time, but you’ll be fine.”
I’ll be adding more when I can think of more
not killing myself is a personal achievement but you cant really brag about that at dinner parties